A Day in the Life of My Shoes

Double C Razy

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 18:54:54 GMT

I haven't posted in exactly 14 years, 11 months, 26 days, 2 hours, 19 minutes, and 50/11 seconds! Man that's a long time! Well, things with Jennifer and I are great. When I look at her, I cant even begin to explain what I feel inside. I have done so many things wrong, I don't know why I've been blessed with her love, but I don't question God or his plan for me!!! I hope that she is happy, cause I know that I am. That's all I want for her, complete happiness! She definitely deserves it. I'm kinda nervious about her B-Day! I want it to be soooooo special for her! I can't believe she is gonna be 19, and I'll still be lil ole 18! LoL! Anywho, I miss hangin out wit Blake DeWayne. I saw him the other day, but We haven't done anything together in so long. I miss the days of old when we would have parties at his house and drink! LoL! I just remebered this time when Dustin dropped me on the floor and I started pushin myself around wit my feet! LoL!!!!!! sigh... I'm gonna call him in a minute! I miss Morgan, Patrick, Cooper, and Blake F. too....... Well, I shall go shower, and get dressed! I think I shall post again soon.............

Patience is a virtue, and You are truly blessed!!!

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 07:31:45 GMT

Oh my! The past week has been full of the most wonderful times that there have ever been! My days have been filled with the wondrous reminders that Jenn and I no longer have to hide or feel regret for the feelings that we have for one another! We have done so much together, and it has been incredible! We've gone to the movies, layed out at the beach, simultaneously "Welcomed" one another to Band Camp, drove around the entire state of Mississippi, LoL, chilled with Blake DeWayne, Patrick, and Morgan, listened to Switchfoot, watched the stars at the park, ate at Olive Garden............... Ok!!! Let me just say that we have done alot together!!! And every single second of the time we have spent together has been awesome! We talk about everything, and we actually listen to what each other has to say! When we are together, we are both in great moods, and we have the most wonderful times! What makes me really happy is that we both have the same amount of respect for everything! Her intellectuality is very attractive, and she doesn't mind showing it off!
Well, today was when we went to Blue Bayou and the Switchfoot concert. We knew that Josh was gonna be there, but still we enjoyed our day in full! At the concert, we talked to Casey and Matt, who were with Josh! During the concert, the dumb fuck had the nerve to yell out to one of his immature friends that Jenn was a skank and a bitch! For some reason, he thinks he can say whatever he wants about Jenn and me! I don't give a shit what he says about me, cause I hate him just as much as he hates me, by the way, it's the most hate I've ever had in my life at anytime!!! Well, when he runs his mouth about Jenn........., it's a fuckin different story! (left this sentence out cause it's a little threatining) If only he knew what I'd do to him, he wouldn't say anything about her ever again! But he has been blessed with an enormous amount of pity! Jenn won't let me touch him, even though he deserves what I have for him! I'm not like him in two ways! First, I don't talk shit, and then walk away! Second, I'm not the kind of person who would intentionaly inflict more pain on someone that I love! If I didn't love Jennifer the way I do, then he would have shut up a long time ago, one way or another, but I do love her, so I haven't said a word! He has some motherfuckin nerve to think that he has some "right" to tell his "friends" what he thinks is the truth! He doesn't even know the fuckin truth, and he knows nothin about love or friendship either! Why is this? He has no friends that weren't given to him by the only person who will probably ever love him! Then, he refuses to except her choices, so he tries to ruin what she has, but he can't! We no longer play by the stupid, immature rules of our past High School days! Some of us have grown up! Now, we know who we truly are, and we no longer need the popular opinion to rule or lives!!!! Josh, say whatever the fuck you want to about me, but leave Jennifer out of it! I'm tired of your bullshit, and my patience is now completely gone!!!! Walk away from this!!!!

The DL

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 16:23:09 GMT

So much has happened in the past couple of days! I don't even know where to begin. Well, Jenn and Josh broke up on Sunday. She took it pretty well until yesterday, that's when she talked to him. She called me and she was really upset. I hate when she cries, and I never want her to cry again. I felt like shit cause i know that i had something to do with the reason she was crying in the first place. When she let me go, I made myself go to sleep, because when she cries I get upset too. I wanted to be there for her so bad, but she didn't want me to see her when she was crying, even thought I think she is so beautiful no matter what! I woke up and Blake came over. We went to see her, and Michael was over there. Jenn wasn't as upset anymore, at least not on the outside. Thank you Mike for whatever it is that u said to her, You are a great friend to her and me. I think that Jenn is gonna die laughin every time she sees Blake and I together. We do have this uniqueness called "DeWayne"! LoL! Anywho, we went to McDonald's cause Jenn was hungry, and then she took me home. I know she didn't go to sleep right away, cause she did a live journal. Hmmmm! She talked about missin Josh and stuff! sigh... I understand what she is goin through, and that's why I'm so patient. I know that I will be able to wait for her, as long as it takes. And I want her to know that I care about her so, so very much. Now I'm just chillin at home. I guess she's asleep, but I don't wanna call, because I don't wanna wake her up! I hope she is having peaceful dreams cause that's what she deserves!!!

I just.........

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 00:19:54 GMT

A girl asked a guy if she was pretty, he said no. She asked him if he wanted her, he said no. She asked him if she left would he cry, he said no... You turned to leave, I grabbed your arm and said... You're not pretty; you're beautiful... I don't want you; I need you... And if you left I wouldn't cry; I would die!?!?!?

I haven't seen my star in the night's sky for so long. I wonder if it still shines as brightly as two others I once knew?

When Everything Feels Like The Movies, You'll Bleed Just To Know You're Alive

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 21:44:38 GMT

Well, it has been a long time since my last post. A lot has been goin on in my life. Jenn and I dont talk very often any more. It's all part of her plan to keep her and Josh together. She really tries so hard, and I hope things work out for the best. The other day my peeps and i went to the mall. I brought this girl, Courtney, with us. I kinda like her, and I think she likes me. Anywho, we had alot of fun jus hangin out and stuff. We went to Victoria's Secret, Pac Sun, and Spencers. I think everyone had a really good time. When I brought Courtney home, we kissed, so maybe that is a good thing. I dunno, cause I dont wanna forget about someone else, even though I think that's what everyone else wants. But then again, when did I give a fuck about what anyone else thought....LoL!! I'm living wit Morgan now. It's alot of fun. My mom isn't here to be always bitchin at me. Today is the 4th of July, so I think that we are goin to the Levee to watch some fireworks. I love when shit is blown up... iI'm such a PYRO. Gas Is Good....LoL... Sex is like Gasoline, yea, we need it! I think I'm gonna go stay at Blake's tonight since we shall be home alone. Hahahahahahahaaaa! Drunkiness will probably be involved! Yay.. Well I'm gonna Let you continue whatever it is you were doin before you started reading my life!!! Later!!!! I Love You Sooooo Much

Tears of happiness or sadness

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 21:12:46 GMT

So many tears have been shed in the last week, but tears can mean a couple of different things. There are tears of joy that accompany happy events, such as weddings, Father's Day, and the birth of a child. Then there are tears of sadness, that go along with things such as, family loss, goodbyes, or any other great meaningful loss. What most people don't realize is that tears are a natural part of everyone's life. They are not necessarily something bad or good, they just accompany pure human emotion. The tears that I have had lately have been a mixture of emotion. I am so happy that Josh and I had a chance to work alot of or anger out, but at the same time, I am struck by sadness, because I know to keep the peace between Josh and I, my friendship with Jennifer must be limited. This is not necessarily fair, but then again, who ever said that life was fair to anyone. I just hope that Jennifer is happy. That is most important thing. I really think that Josh and I could be friends again one day, but it's gonna be tough for us both. So much stuff has been said, and I know this is gonna take time. Imagine that, I must be patient for another thing in my life. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me one of life's most important lessons.......

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 05:13:36 GMT

Hey you guys! It's been a couple of days since i posted last, and a lot has happened. Ok, if i wasn't excited about LSU before, i sure as hell am now. Orientation was so kool. I CAN'T WAIT !!!!!! It's nice to be somewhere where no one judges you by ur past. New people are great,but so are a few old friends. GO TIGERS..... I am so freaked. I got all my classes which is kool, and i know part of the campus now. Work was really kool today. Time flew by, and Jenn came to see me too. I couldn't ask for a better day. After work i went to Jon's and he dyed his hair. Then, Babs, Jon, Patrick, and I went to Barnes & Nobles, and got coffee and stuff. We had to run to the car in the rain, and we got leakin, soakin wet.......LoL!! Jon and i went to Taco Bell and got some food. Now im home getin ready for work, and a party that will be goin down tomm at Blake's. Later, Love shout outs to all my DaWgS!!!

Hola, me llamo chico callente !!!! LoL

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 05:02:52 GMT

Hey journal. I guess since Jenn feels left out cause no one ever types on here except her, i guess i will inform anyone who is curious about what i did today. Hummmmm!!! Well since i never get any sleep cause of work, i slept in till about 12:30 today. i got up and ate a hamburger that my stepmom, mrs debi, made............ Ummmmmmmmm. i could eat another one right now. oh yea, im staying at my padre's house cause my mom is in florida right now. that means i dont have to hear her bitch about what im gonna do with my life, so thats kool. my dad is soooo kool. him and my stepmom r so in love and u know i eat that up. they r so cute. i hope to love my spouse as much as they love each other when i get older, cause im already grown up.well anywho, i went to my house and changed and stuff. stephen and i hung out all day and we had alot of fun. we got some food and went to see "Dodgeball" which is a great movie. we stoped to see Jenn at work jus to say hello, but she was busy so we didnt stay to long. then. my dad called and told us we had to come home now, in a very pissed voice. he was upset cause i was with stephen, and i didnt check in. he was more worried than anything else. i know he loves us so much, and im kinda mad at myself for not coming to see him more. i love him too. so he was upset, but there was no yelling like with my mom. we talked like i was an adult, he should let my mom in on the secret, and he explained why he was upset, which was very reasonable. so we kissed and made up, so everything is all good now. then, we ate chicken and dumplins that mrs debi made. it was so good too. i wish everyone could taste her food. she should be a chef. so now im typin and now im tired and now im wondering what Jenn is doin. i might call her, but then that might be not respecting josh. humm..... maybe she'll call me. i hope so. sigh, as she would say. LoL i so steal all her shit....... anywho im bored............................. can u tell?............. i think im gonna go do something that doesnt involve typing since my hands r gettin cramped.... later

Let's See.......

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 01:27:31 GMT

Well i went in to work at 7am this morning. I was so tired, but it was my own fault. I stayed up late last night talking to Jenn. We talked like we used to, kinda like when she didn't know that i liked her to much. It was great cause i wasnt worried about what she was gonna think. I just knew she was my friend, and i trusted her. It was such a relief to finally get to talk to somone who would listen, so i could get alot of stuff off my chest. We talked alot about Josh, but for once i didnt feel uncomfortable discussing him with her. I think that it was a good thing when i realized that she loved him, because now i undestand how she feels. I loved Tiffany alot too, so i've been there. I'm just glad that she is happy, and hopefuly, things between Josh and i will get better. So now i'm gonna go get in the shower and go do something with Blake. Hopefully we wont get arrested!!!!! LoL

Emotions, What a not so wonderful thing!!!!

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 21:36:36 GMT

Well hello Journal. Long time no type, hugh? Well, I've been really busy with my new job lately. Yea, i quit winn-dixie, and now i'm workin at my old job, mcdonald's. I like it a lot better than my last five jobs. LoL!!!! Sigh, as Jennifer would say. I have been in such an emotional-low lately. I'm tired of being so alone, and i've been grabing hold of any new girl that i have met lately. I've been through three in the last week. I'm such a wreck. So far it has been easy hiding my pain from all my friend's, but for some reason, i think jenn saw right through me last night. She has this uncany instinct for knowing when something is wrong. Of course i lied and gave her a lame but reasonable excuse for my behavior. "I'm just really tired", I said. What a lied. i feel so bad for lying, but Josh was there, and their was no way i was gonna get into a conversation with her in front of him. He would probably think i was trying to take his g/f away again, which just isnt true. I'm really starting to like him again, but i do not believe the feeling is mutual. i tried talkin with him and fred yesterday, but it ended up being just me listening to fred bitch about tesie.......how fun....LOL! I dont know what to do. Sometime i get so sick of everyone and all their shit. For once, I just want to leave everyone and their problems behind and go somwhere new. Some say that they would miss if i ever left, but right now, i dont know if that is true.........

The Worst Day

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 23:48:04 GMT

What's up Journal???
Well today was not a very good day! First off I quit my job at Winn-Dixie, and this pissed my mom off soooo bad! It didnt matter to me cause I got a new job already makin $8.50 an hour so im glad. So she was yellin and shit, so I left my car at home and left with Blake, he always seems to be there when my mom decides to yell at me!!! Anyway, I went to Jenn's recital today. She did awesome, as expected. She is so good at what she does, and it makes me happy just to watch her, even though we are just friends. OHHH! Josh was there too! It was kinda akward since I never see him and everyone tells me he hates me, but I guess he has good reason. Well, I got the nerve to walk up to him and tell him hey, and he didnt punch me in the face, wkich is good since Blake and Jenn were right there. So, after we left, Blake and I came over to his house. He had to go to work, so I'm chillin with Ben. We're listenin to music and stuff. Jus chillin. I think we're gonna get drunk tonight. I dunno though....... cause I think Jennifer will get mad at me, not that she has something over me, I just care how she feels. So, I'm car-less, home-less, and cell-phoneless?!?!?!?!?! Things could be worse. At least the friends I have really care about me. Later?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Yea, I so stole that...........

The Day of Today

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 05:07:20 GMT

Sop Journal? Well today I woke up early, around 11:00 am. That's early for me anyway! When I woke up, I was kind of excited, because I knew I was probably goin over to Jenn's. It's not that big of a deal, but we havent hung out in a while so I was glad to get to go see her. We really didnt do to much, jus layed around and watched the tube. Oh yea, we also went swimming, but she felt bad because we were in one of those "Situations" and she didnt want josh to get mad. That makes me feel really good because I now know that if we do ever go out, I could trust her to do the right thing, not saying that i dont trust her, because I do. We got out the pool and Christine came ova, cause they had twirling practice and Christine was staying the night at Jenn's. So I went home and washed my "baby", my car that is ( i aint got no kids yet). That was fun cause my car is one of the few things i own that i have alot of pride in. After that I took a shower and headed to Jenn's practice, and i got there in just enough time to see her run through her solo. If words could only describe how awesome she looks when performing!!! If that were so, I could explain to josh what he's missing, since he never comes. " But he has two jobs", you say! That just sounds like an excuse to me. I talked to Jenn's mom at pratice. I dont think Jenn likes when i do that, since her and her mom dont get along?!?!?!?!?! I picked up that ?!?! thing from her too. I try to pay attention to the details, unlike some people. Anywho, i really dont Josh, I just the way he treats her sometimes. She deserves alot better, not saying im better or anything, but she loves him and as long as she's happy so am I. Now I'm sitting at home with Brett, my uncle, and we're talkin 'bout stuff. I guess I'm gonna go now, so in the words of Celebrity Match "Good night, good fight".

Today!

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 07:17:55 GMT

I got a whole bunch of nuthin done today. I woke up at 12:30, and I wanted to get up at 8:00, yea that went well,LOL!!! One of my friends just got back from Florida.His name is Jay. We had a big big fight a while back, but i think he forgives me and i think we r kool again.I had a long talk with another one of my good friends tonight, Jennifer. We talked about some of the things goin on in our lives right now. We talked alot about the future, and expectations from one another. It was kind of scary at first, but it all ended ok. She has a b/f right now, Josh, and i kinda like her, which i know is not right. I say alot of bad things about him, but he really is a nice guy. I know he would never hurt her in any way, i think!! But if something like that ever does happen, I'll be here for her as a friend, first. AnyWho, Peace out Journal!!!